Want Vs. Need

I’ve found myself engaged in the same conversation with different people as of late. The  common denominator was being on the brink of making a choice that would essentially change their life’s direction and possible who they are. Every now and again we do come at a fork in the road and almost like a multiple choice question, the answers all seem similar but yet there is trulyunnamed “just right” – just as there is only one path that is truly just right, for you… right now…

Deep down we all know the answer. Deep down we have the answer but what leads us to perceive we have difficult choices before us is what drives us. Desire or Necessity?  Want Vs. Need. These two one syllable words are deceptively simple concepts that can easily be misconstrued and misinterpreted at any given time.

After all, one can want something/someone they do not need and one can need something/someone they do not want. – Lolitasays

Wants (desires) are essentially wishes to that one hopes to fulfill that is believed will make them happier or mores successful.

Because nothing is as good as you can imagine it. No one is as beautiful as she is in your head. Nothing is as exciting as your fantasy. ― Chuck Palahniuk

Needs (necessities) are essentially means to sustain one’s well-being; this encompasses the physical, spiritual, psychological, and emotional aspects.

Wants are never truly concrete but more abstract are hardwired to egotistical/vain concepts that are not truly tangible which is why getting what we want is not always as gratifying as we anticipated. Sometimes it can be downright disappointing leading to “now what!?!”

The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it.– Chuck Palahniuk

Needs are simply means you absolutely cannot live without. Needs are concrete and facilitate your existence and ability to thrive in a healthy and positive way. Many a time, needs are not presented in an attractive package like wants are but nonetheless if you go without a need it has a more detrimental impact than going without a want. Getting what we need yields contentment and a lasting gratification particularly when one knows what it is like to go without.

Something to think about when you’re trying to decide which way to go…

10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men

anm_logo2_400x400Let me just start by saying Sabrina Alexis and Eric Charles have been a part of my life for some time.  I’ve been following their amazing blog anewmode.com circa 5 years and they cover a wide array of issues and topics on two things women can never seem to talk about enough, Fashion and Relationships.  Laser focusing on the relationship front, the blog is chuck full of articles on topics that we women often feel the need to congregate and start  make-shift think tanks to decipher certain circumstances and behaviors. I personally appreciate their style of writing because it does not have a condescending tone like some authors on dating tend to have.  When you’re caught admits a situation, it isn’t easy to see things as clearly as someone that is observing from the sidelines.  Eric and Sabrina get that.  I appreciate that tremendously.

hes-not-that-complicated-book-image2-247x300Anewmode gives off a conversation over brunch with a close friend vibe that I believe made it not only unique, but extremely popular; writing a book (or two..) was only a matter of time.  I’m so glad they did.  The first book, “He’s Not That Complicated” was a total slam dunk!  This is what I had to say about that….

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Fast forward four years to Sabina and Eric to book #2, “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men.”

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Sabrina and Eric delivered another a well written book with so much insight on things we overlook or misinterpret in relationships. This book differs from the previous one because “He’s Not That Complicated” focuses on situations and circumstantial behaviors. “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men” focuses on emotional and psychological aspects that help or hinder the ability to make and maintain a real connection.

They are candid with their own personal experiences and lessons while providing a wealth of information and challenges for the reader with exercises to help the reader see and experience what they are conveying for themselves.  All in all the book is insightful, encouraging, challenging and empowering.  It’s definitely one of those books you’ll keep as you may need to go back and reference a few things from time to time.  It can easily be a book you’ll end up purchasing over and over again should you lend it to a friend.

I cannot buy it for you… but I can highly recommend it to you.

“10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men” is available in digital and paperback at  Amazon.com

Also, I encourage you to pick up “He’s Not That Complicated.”  It will at the very least equip you with great useful advise to give your girlfriends who are single and ready to mingle.  And by all means check out Anewmode.com for fashion, dating, and relationship tips that will change your life!

Destination GOAL

blogWhen we set goals, somewhere along the way we hit unexpected circumstances and bumps in the road.  These situations may cause us to get side tracked, stop dead in our tracks, detour or a take a turn for the worst.  The consequence of not staying on course is  abandonment of hope, loss of determination, inability to focus on what’s before you in order to complete your goal.  There will be times where you will be viewed as unrealistic or crazy.  You may not get the support you expect or the support you think you need and this can be extremely discouraging.  As discouraging as this may be, it’s just a part of the processes.  The road ahead is yours and yours alone.  Some may travel with you along the way but ultimately it’s your own personal journey.

Anything worth having takes hard work and sacrifice.  It’s definitely not easy.  The most important thing is to look straight ahead with tunnel vision and realize obstacles may slow you down but by no means should stop you.  This is the only way to endure unpleasant experiences and complete tasks you otherwise would not do.  Keeping your eye on the prize is paramount.

If you don’t keep a clear eye on the direction you’re going… how will you ever get to your destination?

Worrying about what others think and do will have you exasperated chasing your tail rather than your dream.  Stop. Look. Focus.  The finish line is just beyond the horizon.  Each step forward is a step closer.  Don’t stop.  Don’t talk.  Keep moving. With each step remind yourself what you want, why you’re doing this and how much closer you are today than you were yesterday.

5 Things You Should Do When You Receive a Medical Bill:

1.  Call the doctor’s office

If you do not understand what you are billing for, ask the doctor’s office. Although we rely heavily upon computers and information technology, we cannot take for granted the information we are being given is correct. Not only do people make mistakes, in this day and age in the ever changing world of health care, but computers do too. For that very reason, it does not hurt to call the doctor’s office and go over statement to be certain the amount due, in fact, your responsibility.

2. Call the insurance company.

Remember, you are a subscriber to your insurance plan and are entitled to a detailed explanation on how your visit was processed. There is a Member Services telephone number printed on the back of your insurance card. Don’t be afraid to use it and interrogate the insurance company like a parent wanting to know where their child had been because of broken curfew. Compare notes with the representative to the statement in hand for inconsistencies. * If there is an inconsistency, ask the representative to conference call you in with the doctor’s office to insure you are all on the same page.

3. Take Notes

Jot down the names of everyone you spoke with and ask for a reference number for the phone call. It is not unusual for a medical claim to come back to haunt you after having been reassured things were resolved. Computers and people make mistakes. If you come across another statement you have all your references together to them where to go…. To speak with whomever it concerns, of course.

4. Ask Questions about that particular service

Often you may end up having to pick up the tab for certain services that aren’t considered part of a doctor’s office visit. For example, when a patient sees the doctor and the doctor runs a necessary diagnostic test every time a patient comes to monitor their health, this might generate additional copayments or a deductible charge weeks after a patient was seen. IF you happen to be a frequent flyer type of patient, it wouldn’t hurt to look over that portion of what you may be held responsible for down the road.

5. Make a payment plan

If you’re like me, and are not part of the 1%, you can get taken aback at the cost of your stint in the hospital, MRI Center, blood lab, etc. To avoid collections and all other nightmares that follow, request a payment plan. A small percentage monthly beats 100% of nothing and all providers dig that. If you’re on a fixed income, apply for hardship and they will certainly work with you. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Over the Moon for Olive Oil

As I continue my research and education on skin care I came across a myriad of reasons why everyone should make a concerted effort to care for their skin.  The skin is, after all, the largest organ on the human body and it also absorbs everything you put on it into your blood stream.  What you put on your skin largely contributes to the level of toxins in your blood, thus possibly having an impact on your health.  This is terribly alarming. 

At risk of going off topic, I strongly recommend you do research on the amount of toxins you are exposed to daily and the possible adverse effects of products you use on your skin like lotions, makeup, hair dye, after shave, perfumes and of course body soaps.  Soaps comprised of chemicals essentially defeat the purpose of cleaning the body if they are effectively contaminating your blood stream. 

So… what do we do about it?

I’ve long since gone organic after reading countless articles and studies that support the claim we are unwittingly absorbing toxins into our blood stream every day.  Aside from Witch Hazel, and Coconut Oil..  I have become a huge fan of olive oil.  Olive oil has many healthy benefits to your skin.  It has many uses aside from cooking with it.  Some of the major beneficial properties include healthier skin and anti-aging properties.  Organic olive oil based skin products really make a difference and it’s also very good for hydrating the skin and removing make up.  It is also sensitive skin friendly.

I tend to be on the go with a life mantra of “there aren’t enough hours in the day.”  It is quite important to make sure I make the most out of my daily routine.  It makes perfect sense to incorporate an organic skin product with an active ingredient that has multiple uses.

  • Removes dirt and makeup without over stripping the face causing break outs

  • Sensitive skin friendly

  • Positive effects on blood stream if it sinks into the skin – even better

  • Repairs and maintains skin health

Loveyouoliveoilsoaps

http://www.loveyouoliveoilsoap.com

You’re winning all around if you can get these benefits out of one product – particularly soap.  I prefer all natural handmade products with ingredients that are beneficial to over all health which is why I am taken with Love You Olive Oil Soap.  Aside from being made from love, you’ll be loving your skin by cleansing it with ingredients that promote health rather than contributing more toxins to your body thus compromising your health.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  You can purchase these soaps online via the website.  Love You Olive Oil Soaps are $7 each or you can get a bundle of 4 for $20.  

 

Weighing In On Self Worth

I had the pleasure to meet a remarkable young woman by the name of Mar Ortiz a few years ago.  She is now a reality television star on a show called Big Women: Big Love .  Recently, she found herself catapulted into an arena that is as courageous and inspiring as it is absurd.  A photo and a statement… would soon be a platform of debate.

I love my love handles!

I scrolled upon this photo in my Facebook feed and I commended Mar because there is nothing more beautiful than being comfortable in your own skin.  As this picture went viral and people began commenting, I was actually appalled at the thought that anyone would even suggest that Mar was “glorifying obesity.”  That’s absolutely absurd!  It is becoming harder and harder in this day and age to “be beautiful.”  What is beauty? Is it running around scantily clad?  Is it looking like a superhero? Is it systematically butchering your body parts to resemble a celebrity?

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It’s absolutely ghastly and unnerving for someone to be scrutinized for appreciating their God given body.  That concept within itself has been so lost in translation for some time.  In a world of Photoshop, filters and plastic surgery … what’s so bad about posting a picture and being content with yourself.

Love yourself at any size or glorifying obesity?

Not everyone is petite, tall, thin, or even full figured.  What is wrong with enjoying what you have and working it with confidence and acceptance?  We must be careful with the type of message we are sending and be wary of it being lost in translation lest we raise a generation of self-loathing anorexics with a skewed perception of what beauty truly is.

From the outside it is very easy to point and shake a finger at people who put themselves out there.  On the other hand.. “out… there..” are many people who maybe suffering for various reasons that are not afforded the opportunity to attempt to fit into this highly unrealistic ideal of beauty.  In addition to what they are facing, they should not be made to feel that they cannot be happy within themselves or pleased with their appearance because it is seemingly is not acceptable to the norm.

 

Self-acceptance should be celebrated and woman like Mar empower others.  In turn they should be supported and not blasted for simply being happy with who they are and proud of their appearance.

Knock, Knock

I had a GNI (Girls Night In) evening last night and rented a movie called “Knock, Knock” starring Keanu Reeves.  I must admit I knew nothing about the movie prior.  I had never seen a preview trailer but was gripped by the concept of the plot because it is something that does occur but hardly ever reported or talked about.  Apparently this film is a Sundance film that premiered earlier 2015.   It is centered around a topic we are conditioned to avoid talking about.  Rape.  Moreover, MALE RAPE.

A new study reveals that men are often the victims of sexual assault, and women are often the perpetrators. – Hanna Rosin

There are a lot of myths and misconception about rape itself…  When we think about rape, we automatically assume it is a crime that is committed against women and children.  The statistics on adult male rape are not accurate simply because male rape is seldom reported.  There is an overwhelming shroud of shame that comes along with rape that is unfathomable among male victims due to the misconception that arousal equals consent much like the misconception of a woman warranting sexual assault because of her attire.

In asking 40,000 households about rape and sexual violence, the survey uncovered that 38 percent of incidents were against men. – Hanna Rosin

Self blame, particularly for a male in a such a predicament, can be a psychological oppression that can fester as a result of being unable to speak out based on the general consensus.  An erection is a physiological response to stimuli which is no different from when a doctor takes a mallet to a person’s knee.  The real damage emerges when the adult male victim tries to wrap his head around what transpired.  Sometimes, sexuality maybe called into question of the perpetrator is male as well.

It is extremely crucial we raise awareness and educate ourselves on the topic and educate others so that they are empowered.   This can happen to anyone.  No one deserves violation regardless of their attire, state of sobriety, or physiological response to stimuli.

Although the plot scenario has been exaggerated for entertainment purposes, the principles of power and control are present.  Manipulation into self blame are all present as well.   There are a few links below for more information if you would like to get a comprehensive understanding on rape, sexual violence, and the general misconceptions.

RANIN

When Men Are Raped

Rape Myths and Facts