Posted in Life

What About Your Friend?

There is a certain type of friend; you know who I’m referring to…  that friend whose support, comforts and encouragement can be felt with just their mere presence. They can make you feel like you can do anything and make even the saddest or infuriating moments the funniest.  They remind you that you can be anything.  They shoulder some of your problems, perhaps your responsibilities at times… they ride or die with you.  They may even be a parent, a sibling, kin, fictive kin (no DNA relation), coworker, or mentor.

img_8824That friend is always strong and courageous with the toughest of life’s challenges because perhaps they had no other choice to be that way; despite it all they come through for you.  It isn’t because everything is perfect as we all process our challenges, trials, and tribulations differently.  For some challenges, trials and tribulations are like the stars in the daytime.  Just because you cannot see them doesn’t mean that they are not there.

While they may be a source of all things possible… and the wind beneath your wings, and may seem fearless and impermeable to you, remember that they are still human; just like you.    That friend is still subject to experiencing all the same things as you.  Every now and again, although it may not seem like they may need it, but encourage them and remind them how much they matter to you because they too are fighting their own battles although they say nothing about them. img_8822

If you have that certain type of friend, let them know today how much they mean to you.  Ask them how they are and ask about their day.  Wait to hear the answer.  Simply checking in can replenish the energy needed to fight the battles they don’t discuss.

Advertisements
Posted in Life

Rejection: how do we deal?

Rejection is one of those complicated emotions that can vacate common sense and logic while debilitating self-esteem.  Like paying taxes and death, it is inevitable that we will experience rejection in some, if not all areas of our lives at one point or another.

THE TRUTH

Rejection is one of the very first emotions we deal with during our developmental years.  Whether it is for affection from our parents over a sibling, or we didn’t make the team, or a group of friends on the playground: we all can access some incident in our memory where felt rejected, marginalized or left out.

img_8804

Some sink and some swim… Whether you were Regina George or not…  you will encounter a struggle with rejection on some level or another academically, professionally or most commonly, personally/romantically.

HOW DO WE DEAL?

There is a massive misconception that it’s somehow a phase that we will grow out of and that is categorically NOT TRUE and this fallacy is immensely destructive.  Psychology Today sites that rejection creates surges of anger and aggression.  We have seen how rejection can manifest in schools and post offices many times over throughout the years and still these end results beg the question.  How do we deal?

img_8803

There is an internalization for rejection that can shatter the rejected person’s state of self-worth particularly if the value they place on themselves was not very high to begin with.  The anger and aggression comes from having taken an unsuccessful risk.

WHAT DO WE DO?

There are quite a few things that we can do to address the feeling of rejection but the most effective is to change how you feel about rejection because when someone rejects you, it usually has very little to do with you.

img_8802

Naturally, it doesn’t seem that way we because by nature we believe that we garner some kind of control over others and that we can some how *win them over.  In turn, it becomes a vicious cycle of self loathing.  Why?  Because when we adopt the mindset that there is something that we can do to reverse rejection, it becomes a dangerous game leveraging your self-worth to no end and much like gambler, betting more and more each time to nullify the previous loss to no avail leaving nothing accept anger and aggression.

THIS TOO, SHALL PASS

It may pass like a kidney stone, but nonetheless…. Rather than spending time attempting to win a person over, spending time with people who love and accept you can comfort you and ease the pain of rejection.  If the feeling of rejection is more severe, perhaps talking to someone who does not know you at all can help you get to the square root of what triggers that feeling. Any thoughts?  Please do share!

 

 

Posted in Life

Morning Management: 5 simple things to mentally prepare for the day.

Many of us know by the time we wake up, what daily tasks are ahead of us and how much we are (not) looking forward to tackling them.  We do our daily mechanical tasks to prepare for the day but do we really take hold and manage our mornings?

Why is Morning Management Important?

It sets the tone for the day.  Duh!…  Not just in a “time” and “task” oriented way, but psychologically and emotionally.  Imagine yourself like a computer… When you turn a computer on.. it does what?  It img_8520needs a few moments to boot up, right?  You’re not that much different from a computer in that regard.  No one springs out of bed and into their daily routine like a Jack-In-the- Box!

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed….

img_8526Waking up after half a dozen snooze button taps, scratching your head, butt, while yawning and trying to recall that strange dream before showering and guzzling coffee to facilitate the energy to chase a (school) bus or to battle traffic isn’t exactly morning management.  It’s almost lunchtime before you gain your wits about you if you you follow this routine regularly.

 

    1. Gratitude

As soon as you plant both feet on the floor and before you push off your bed to stand up, think img_8521of 5 things you are grateful for:  say them out loud if it doesn’t disturb anyone else.  Who says Thanksgiving is an annual thing?  Why not give thanks for each day?  Whether it is health, family, friends, career… or simply waking up to see another day…  5 things off the top of your head…  Puts things in perspective.  For those who are religious, thank God for the day.  It’s a short prayer but effective prayer.

     2.  Compliment Yourself

img_8527

I know this may sound silly to some, but complimenting yourself… or having some daily affirmations go a long way.  It helps to feel good about yourself.   Find at least one good thing to say yourself:  Self, I find that really awesome about you!  Do this daily.  When you feel good, it’s contagious.  Raise your vibration before leaving the house.  It could be anything like “wow what nice teeth you have” while brushing them, or “you are a fantastic cook” while making breakfast… whatever you fancy.. acknowledge yourself.

    3.  Stretch and Breathe

img_8525I’m not saying go full downward dog or anything but raise your hands to sky and bend over and touch your toes a couple times.  Take a couple deep breaths to get the blood circulating and the oxygen flowing through the lungs and to the brain so that morning fogginess clears up fast and you can think clearer.  You can do this while watching the weather or the news headlines…  Got kids?  Do it with them.  It’s a quick quality time exercise that is a good habit to instill in them.  Hook `em while they’re young!

    4.  Say I Love you

img_8523We all feel it, but do we say it?  Let a loved one know you love them in the morning and wish them a good day.  If you live alone, text a loved one, a BFF, or wave and wish a neighbor or the deli clerk a good day.  Sounds insignificant but smiles and good vibes are contagious  if you let your guard down and are open to them.  If possible, get into the habit of talking to a positive and motivating person every morning. An exchange positivity goes along way throughout the day. It just makes the manic mornings a bit more… manageable.

 

     5.  Listen to Positive Music / Speakers or Silence..

Not every tune with a catchy beat should be played at all hours of the day.  If you’re in traffic and you’re in the Trap House, it may produce and entirely different vibe img_8524and reaction to the traffic pattern than listening to lyrics that wouldn’t make your eyes pop out of your head of a 5 year old repeated the lyrics.

Another alternative is to listen to a good motivational speaker or sermon in the morning.

Taking for 15 minutes in the morning without music at all to clear my head.  Puts you in a neutral disposition and prepares you to take on the day and whatever comes your way without the influence of some catchy tune that might influence your disposition in not-so-positive way.

Do you manage your mornings?  Or do you just follow a routine?  Let us know!

 

 

Posted in Dating, Love, Perceptions, relationship, Relationships, Social, thoughts

My Checklist Idiocy

We all walk around stuck in our own heads with an idea of how things should be and how people should behave.  When it comes to relationships, we all have our personal check list of requirements.  We all generally, or img_7739usually, want the same things… Our standards are set and we have a very good idea of who we are willing to invest in, BUT, how many of us meet our very own standards?

My cousin hit me with a haymaker of thought provocation as I scrambled to honestly answer this simple question:

Would you be in a serious relationship with yourself?

It didn’t take long for the epiphany that I have severe relationship myopia.  After clarifying my specific needs and wants in a relationship and comparing what it is that I am willing to give, it was painfully clear that I was in great deficit in img_7740comparison. When it came to my list of expectations, it was much like a laundry list; where as, what I am willing to bring to the table could fit on a Post-It.

So, what is wrong with this picture?  Plenty.  Everyone wants their suitor to be ____, ______, ________ & ______.  However, no one wants to be ____, ______, ________ & ______.   This begs the question:  how does one expect to obtain and maintain a healthy and successful relationship with such acute myopia?

Be the change you want to see in your relationship.

At this juncture, it is imperative to do a little introspection and do an idiot check on myself.  Next to each line item of expectation, I note whether I do or am capable of meeting that expectation myself.  It’s quite an interesting self assessment and I am learning a lot about what I need to work on as an individual to become better and stronger in all my relationships.  This process may not be fun or pretty, but it proves to be valuable.

Even if you are currently in a relationship, if things are going a bit left and you’re not getting on as much, perhaps doing a quick Idiot Checklist is not a bad idea.  You may learn a thing or two.