A friend of mine posted a very interesting meme the other day. It provoked quite a bit of thought and introspect for me and it also inspired me to share my thoughts with you.
One of the harder things about “Adulting,” I find, is the acquiescing we do for others. We will say, “yes” despite not wanting to. We will do things and put ourselves in situations that we do not enjoy out of some perceived obligation.
Is it really obligation or is it fear?
Although we age and are supposed to become more mature, there is a bit of mob/tribe mentality that follows us. The fear of disappointing someone or not being liked because we say “no” is repackaged in obligation. There is a hefty price to pay as a result: stress, anxiety, energy and time.
When we were younger, we had time and energy to acquiesce to the multitudes of requests and demands from family, teachers and friends; but as we get older, those same 24 hours a day don’t seem to be enough anymore as our YES exceeds our physical, emotional and psychological limits. We neglect ourselves and we ultimately break down.
Some of us may lash out – only to be met with a dumbfounded response and insinuation that we are overacting somehow.
Some of us may grow resentful and engage in passive aggressive behavior; which, ultimately is a toxic vicious cycle from which nothing good can come.
Some of us may suffer in complete silence until our bodies lash out, by way of illness like: high blood pressure, stroke, anxiety attacks, palpitations, insomnia etc.
Is the fear worth it?
Gauging the cost of saying yes to certain people or circumstance, whether it be your family, significant other, or your boss is essential to your well-being. Surely, no one likes to be told no for anything, but in the grander scheme of things, they will understand if you must decline. If they choose not to understand, then CONGRATULATIONS! You have just weeded out someone who has been taking full advantage of your inability to say no and you can implement new boundaries accordingly.
Is it really that hard?
The first time is the hardest. Your second time at the rodeo – not so much and so on and so forth. It is a practice, much like handwriting. You put it the effort and it becomes as effortless as it is to sign your name on the dotted line and you’ll wonder why you didn’t learn this sooner.
Are you having problems saying no?
Let’s talk about it.