Looking back on 2019, I have found that most of the changes that took place were in me. There was a lot of introspect which allowed me to come to terms with certain aspects of relationship dynamics that were in trouble.
You cannot expect you from others. If you accept people for who they are, then you can establish more realistic expectations, thus circumventing any conflicts. When you know and accept someone for who they are, sometimes what you perceive as a short coming is not a short coming. It is just not a characteristic that the person possesses. It’s up to you to accept or reject that. It’s unrealistic to hold up an expectation to a person who is essentially incapable of meeting. We don’t expect dogs to quack. It’s the same concept. Being aware of how we may be setting someone up for failure can really spare our relationships.
Forgiveness can be very difficult and it can get complicated when forgiveness is halfhearted. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean everyone takes their places and reenacts the way things were prior to the transgression. It can provide an opportunity to purge all the components that lead up to the fallout and rebuild something different, stronger and better. Halfhearted forgiveness yields bitterness and in that regard, to deceive yourself and forgive halfheartedly is like throwing water on a grease fire; it worsens the dynamic and makes it toxic and it chokes the life out of you and others around you. Forgiveness is more about you than it is the person or situation. Releasing the transgression and deciding to move forward is physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. Forgiveness replenishes you inside and out: it has very little to do with the transgressor. Sometimes you may have to forgive someone in the absence of an apology just to heal your emotional wounds. It’s crucial to a peaceful existence.
Setting and Respecting Boundaries
Boundaries are great to establish because they reinforce mutual understanding and respect. Not only should you set boundaries in relationships, but it is equally important to respect others’ boundaries. It sounds simple; however, when someone draws the line before certain behaviors and habits they once put up with, breaking said habits and behaviors can prove challenging but it is all worth it.
Love is more than a concept. Love is a verb. Love is an action. When it comes to loving others, sometimes you just have to do it with the understanding that they may be incapable of reciprocating in the way you love. So long as it’s not harmful, that is okay too.
Those who are worth a place in your heart are worth the effort. Like everything in life, relationships can get strained and worn and it is up to us to maintain them by why of minor repairs. Expectations, forgiveness, setting and respecting boundaries with love are great tools to nurture, repair and rebuild those relationship dynamics that mean the world to you. This was a valuable lesson for me this year and I wanted to share it with all of you. What are you taking away from 2019?