During the 20s quest of finding ourselves we meet many cool people along the way. These people may be part of your entourage and run in a pack with you doing all sorts of things together and sharing all sorts of new experiences. Some of those experiences could be so momentous that we always hold that moment near and dear to our hearts. When college is over and marriage is on the horizon or prenatal jargon becomes part of our everyday conversation or relocation comes to pass… we find ourselves in an unfamiliar territory and it can be difficult to adapt or relate.
We are not always experiencing life events at the same time.
Many times static begins occur and BFFs fight, act out, and sometimes fallout altogether. You may find yourself one less bridesmaid, for example. You may not get as many phone calls. You may not be met with the same level of excitement and enthusiasm as you express your interests or your new ventures. Things just aren’t the same anymore. This is not a bad thing. It is a great thing. It is an exciting thing. We have to accept the situation for what it is because there is so much more ahead.
Photo by Aaron Moeller
Change can often feel like loss.
Life is a journey that is designed for you to keep moving forward. Life is designed for you to have goals and once you achieve those goals, you are compelled to set new goals to achieve. As your goals change, you entourage may change too. This is not to say that you must end your previous friendships, but evaluate them to make sure you are not setting unrealistic expectations on the relationship. As our needs change we expect people to change with them and this is not always possible. Not everyone is meant to stay for the whole ride. We must respect that they too have their own journey.
Whoever is meant to stay in your life can never go.
Just because someone is off on another path doesn’t mean you won’t reconnect down the line. Lifetime friends will always remain your friends despite time, location, trials and tribulations – they will always be around for you – especially when you need them most.
I’ve found myself engaged in the same conversation with different people as of late. The common denominator was being on the brink of making a choice that would essentially change their life’s direction and possible who they are. Every now and again we do come at a fork in the road and almost like a multiple choice question, the answers all seem similar but yet there is truly “just right” – just as there is only one path that is truly just right, for you… right now…
Deep down we all know the answer. Deep down we have the answer but what leads us to perceive we have difficult choices before us is what drives us. Desire or Necessity? Want Vs. Need. These two one syllable words are deceptively simple concepts that can easily be misconstrued and misinterpreted at any given time.
After all, one can want something/someone they do not need and one can need something/someone they do not want. – Lolitasays
Wants (desires) are essentially wishes to that one hopes to fulfill that is believed will make them happier or mores successful.
Because nothing is as good as you can imagine it. No one is as beautiful as she is in your head. Nothing is as exciting as your fantasy. ― Chuck Palahniuk
Needs (necessities) are essentially means to sustain one’s well-being; this encompasses the physical, spiritual, psychological, and emotional aspects.
Wants are never truly concrete but more abstract are hardwired to egotistical/vain concepts that are not truly tangible which is why getting what we want is not always as gratifying as we anticipated. Sometimes it can be downright disappointing leading to “now what!?!”
The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it.– Chuck Palahniuk
Needs are simply means you absolutely cannot live without. Needs are concrete and facilitate your existence and ability to thrive in a healthy and positive way. Many a time, needs are not presented in an attractive package like wants are but nonetheless if you go without a need it has a more detrimental impact than going without a want. Getting what we need yields contentment and a lasting gratification particularly when one knows what it is like to go without.
Something to think about when you’re trying to decide which way to go…
Let me just start by saying Sabrina Alexis and Eric Charles have been a part of my life for some time. I’ve been following their amazing blog anewmode.com circa 5 years and they cover a wide array of issues and topics on two things women can never seem to talk about enough, Fashion and Relationships. Laser focusing on the relationship front, the blog is chuck full of articles on topics that we women often feel the need to congregate and start make-shift think tanks to decipher certain circumstances and behaviors. I personally appreciate their style of writing because it does not have a condescending tone like some authors on dating tend to have. When you’re caught admits a situation, it isn’t easy to see things as clearly as someone that is observing from the sidelines. Eric and Sabrina get that. I appreciate that tremendously.
Anewmode gives off a conversation over brunch with a close friend vibe that I believe made it not only unique, but extremely popular; writing a book (or two..) was only a matter of time. I’m so glad they did. The first book, “He’s Not That Complicated” was a total slam dunk! This is what I had to say about that….
Fast forward four years to Sabina and Eric to book #2, “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men.”
Sabrina and Eric delivered another a well written book with so much insight on things we overlook or misinterpret in relationships. This book differs from the previous one because “He’s Not That Complicated” focuses on situations and circumstantial behaviors. “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men” focuses on emotional and psychological aspects that help or hinder the ability to make and maintain a real connection.
They are candid with their own personal experiences and lessons while providing a wealth of information and challenges for the reader with exercises to help the reader see and experience what they are conveying for themselves. All in all the book is insightful, encouraging, challenging and empowering. It’s definitely one of those books you’ll keep as you may need to go back and reference a few things from time to time. It can easily be a book you’ll end up purchasing over and over again should you lend it to a friend.
I cannot buy it for you… but I can highly recommend it to you.
“10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men” is available in digital and paperback at Amazon.com
Also, I encourage you to pick up “He’s Not That Complicated.” It will at the very least equip you with great useful advise to give your girlfriends who are single and ready to mingle. And by all means check out Anewmode.com for fashion, dating, and relationship tips that will change your life!
No one says you have to be the same person you were yesterday. No one says you have to be the same person you were just five minutes ago. Changing is a choice. The choices you make can shift your paradigm and although you remain in the same environment among the same people, you can be a different person and therefore have an entirely different experience than before.
If you choose to be happy, you will notice the distinction in how you deal with unhappy people. Moreover, they will notice it too.
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” – Paulo Coelho
If you choose to live your life looking through the windshield rather than the rear view mirror, you will notice new opportunities and encounter new people that will yield new experiences.
You have to be the catalyst of the change. It must start inside. It must start with you.
Like ripples in water a single simple choice undulates and echoes throughout the universe. Not only does a simple choice affect you, but those around you in inconceivable ways. If you choose to say hello to someone versus just walking past them can possibly make or break their day setting off a social butterfly effect.
The most difficult part of the process is simply making the choice.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.