Posted in Life

When to Say “When”

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It’s difficult to draw the line at what is acceptable or intolerable when you have let a loved one carry on for a (long) while. We can put up with a person’s behavior or a relationship dynamic by deciding that this is just part of their personality.  Often times we adjust ourselves and our behaviors – we may even adjust the amount of time we spend with the person to be able to function in the dysfunction.

Small doses, please.

Or some of us may even confuse putting up with certain things as a display of love.   This can lead to what is called the Martyr Complex.  The ever dutiful, loving, loyal ride or die who will eventually die trying to gain affirmation and approval and feeling hurt and let down along the way.

“The more you suffer shows them that you really care, right? Yeah!“ – OFFSPRING SELF ESTEEM

One of the biggest dilemmas we can face in relationship dynamics when to stay or walk away. Everyone is different and therefore toleration levels may vary from person to person.  One thing may be a complete deal breaker to one person while the very same thing may not be such a big deal to another.  That threshold of when to say when needs to be gauged on an individual level.  When that threshold is gauged and it is reached, it’s time to disengage.

6 warning signs are:

  1. Feeling drained
  2. Feel used
  3. Feeling tired
  4. Feeling afraid of expressing how you feel
  5. Feeling afraid of saying no
  6. Being passive to maintain a peaceful environment

If at least two of these warning signs resonate with you, perhaps it is time to identify where the line is and assess whether your loved one has crossed it so you do not continue to deplete yourself.  It may sound scary at face value, but honestly, it would hurt a lot less and take a lot less energy than to carry on in such a relationship dynamic.  Feeling like you might be getting there or you may be there already?   Let’s chat.

Thoughts?  I’m all ears.  Drop me line!