Posted in Life

That Space Between

Breaking up isn’t so hard to do.  Moving forward can be hard to do because of the displacement of routine.  The adjustment period can cause panic and relationship recidivism (don’t go back).  Familiarity is the enemy in this context, for sure.

person inside vehicle during day
Photo by Shukhrat Umarov 

Post break up, there’s this phase I like to call relationship purgatory (at least, I imagine this is what purgatory might feel like).  It’s over.  It’s for the best; and yet, your emotions may still be high, you may still be mad, hurt, annoyed, sad, etc.  You have a whole mosh pit of feelings percolating while attempting to go about your day. The agony, for real!

Back in the day “out of sight, out of mind” technique was quite effective. Nowadays, not so much (thanks, social media)!  How does one get through the… “space between” EX and Next? Trust me, it’s a real thing, Dave Matthews Band will tell ya! There are some effective techniques however, they may be challenging for the weak willed.

NO Contact

cell phone in hands
Photo by Kaboompics

 

The no contact rule is usually invoked when engaged in full on yo-yo make up to break up relationship dynamics.  In this specific scenario, if everything has been said and done…  there is nothing more to provide besides dead air.  Reiterating all the transgressions and how it made you feel will yield nothing good.  Might I suggest writing a no holds barred letter to release all the toxicity

and pain, reading it, and burning it.  I know, I know it sounds a bit 80’s movie cliché, but still cathartic nonetheless.  Not to mention, you spare yourself from dousing salt on your wounds by an encore confrontation.

If no contact is not an option, minimizing contact to a need be basis is the next best thing.  Some of you may have children or pets in common or work together etc.  Keep it to bare minimum, and stay on the topic at hand.  It’s hard, but it’s possible and effective.

Start a Journal

person holding empty book near pen and shears with a cup of tea
Photo by rawpixel

Writing down how you feel each day is great for personal growth and it’s an excellent way to get into your own head to assess and reflect on the relationship dynamic.  Starting a journal  is self-discovery in print.  You’ll get to know more about yourself and what makes you tick.  That’s super important because the most important relationship you can have with another human being is yourself.  You must love yourself.  Understand yourself and nurture yourself when needed.  Getting to really know who you are gives you a better understanding of your wants and needs which is extremely important in this experience we call life.  This is where your threshold for bullshit will be revealed.  This is where your boundaries or lack thereof will be exposed.

Work Out

sport fitness run shoe
Photo by Pixabay

I know, I know.  Working is not always fun, but it has many benefits. Aside from looking great and slimming down, those endorphins fight depression and make you feel good.  You feel accomplished and full of energy.  Whether you are lifting or you are chasing a runner’s high, working out is a tremendous help to fill the gap.  With so many fitness classes out there, you are bound to like at least one!  What a way to transition out of the old familiar routine when you were coupled up.  You can meet new people and instead of sweating the small stuff, you sweat out the bad stuff and get a new and improved figure while you’re at it!

Update Your Look

Not sound vain, or anything, but a nice appearance makes you feel good.   If you cannot afford to go on a shopping spree, that’s cool.  Update your hair, or brows or nails… take your pick.  However brazen or subtle the update, it can be a good boost out of that relationship purgatory space.  A sprinkle of confidence and positivity goes a long way,…  it’s good to have while navigating through that space between Ex and Next.

person holding hair trimmer
Photo by Stefan Lorentz 

ONE MORE THING:  Spend time with your friends — I mean really spend time with your friends. Take the time to hang out and curb the relationship talk.  Go out and do stuff and make it about them and not the final episode of your relationship.  Allow your friends to support you through this time by introducing some fun in your life.  Flying solo could stink, particularly if you were out of practice because you were in a long-term relationship but it doesn’t have to ALL the time.

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