Ghosting: The Psychological Bird Flip

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Photo by Elias Tucker

You meet someone and sparks fly.  You talk every day and do things together.  You two are building the foundation of a relationship or friendship; whatever the type of ship it may be, all of a sudden, this ship has sunk because this person checked out and stopped all forms of communication with you unexpectedly.

Maybe he or she enlisted in the Witness Protection Program or maybe aliens abducted him or her.  As absurd as these theories may sound, they may be plausible because you two were having a great a time up until this point.  At least you thought he or she was having as good a time as you.  In the words of the great and late philosopher Whitney Houston, “how will I know”?

In today’s world, no answer is an answer.  For those of you who do not know what ghosting is, it is the act of abruptly ceasing communication of any kind without warning or explanation with someone you were cultivating a relationship with or had a relationship with.  It is easy to hide behind the blanket excuse of “I’ve been so busy,”  but even the Leader of the Free World has time to make multiple posts that 150 characters are less in a day!   So what gives?  Ghosting has become the most common and convenient way to bail on a relationship.

It’s not you, it’s me….

Are people not even worth a cliché anymore?   Giving someone the Casper treatment is rather disrespectful.  Here is why.  Disappearing without an explanation breeds a lot of confusion, speculation and worry.  It brings about far more intense feelings than the feeling of rejection that comes from being up front with someone and saying, “You are a great person and I enjoy the time we spent together; I don’t want to pursue a relationship with you.”   Yes, of course, you run the risk of having a conversation that might be uncomfortable but it is the last conversation you will have with this person on this topic.  It actually beats “ghosting” him or her only to randomly bump into him or her without any place to take cover thus being forced to have an even more awkward and potentially embarrassing conversation– in public, no less!

Ghosting to spare someone’s feeling is a piping hot pile of steaming dung.

Anyone who ghosts someone else is cowardly sparing himself or herself the daunting task of having to admit they are not into this friendship/relationship and having a conversation about why.  It is okay to want out of a relationship for no other reason than you do not want to be in one with that person.  Sometimes that happens.  Not everyone we come across is a crazy creep.  Sometimes sparks fly and fizzle out for no particular reason.  Just because someone is amazing and he or she has the right qualities does not mean he or she is right for you.

If you should find yourself in the situation where you want to call it quits, choose to treat this person with kindness and respect them enough to have that conversation with them.  Be brave.  Don’t be a cruel ghoul and ghost.

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10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men

anm_logo2_400x400Let me just start by saying Sabrina Alexis and Eric Charles have been a part of my life for some time.  I’ve been following their amazing blog anewmode.com circa 5 years and they cover a wide array of issues and topics on two things women can never seem to talk about enough, Fashion and Relationships.  Laser focusing on the relationship front, the blog is chuck full of articles on topics that we women often feel the need to congregate and start  make-shift think tanks to decipher certain circumstances and behaviors. I personally appreciate their style of writing because it does not have a condescending tone like some authors on dating tend to have.  When you’re caught admits a situation, it isn’t easy to see things as clearly as someone that is observing from the sidelines.  Eric and Sabrina get that.  I appreciate that tremendously.

hes-not-that-complicated-book-image2-247x300Anewmode gives off a conversation over brunch with a close friend vibe that I believe made it not only unique, but extremely popular; writing a book (or two..) was only a matter of time.  I’m so glad they did.  The first book, “He’s Not That Complicated” was a total slam dunk!  This is what I had to say about that….

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Fast forward four years to Sabina and Eric to book #2, “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men.”

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Sabrina and Eric delivered another a well written book with so much insight on things we overlook or misinterpret in relationships. This book differs from the previous one because “He’s Not That Complicated” focuses on situations and circumstantial behaviors. “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men” focuses on emotional and psychological aspects that help or hinder the ability to make and maintain a real connection.

They are candid with their own personal experiences and lessons while providing a wealth of information and challenges for the reader with exercises to help the reader see and experience what they are conveying for themselves.  All in all the book is insightful, encouraging, challenging and empowering.  It’s definitely one of those books you’ll keep as you may need to go back and reference a few things from time to time.  It can easily be a book you’ll end up purchasing over and over again should you lend it to a friend.

I cannot buy it for you… but I can highly recommend it to you.

“10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men” is available in digital and paperback at  Amazon.com

Also, I encourage you to pick up “He’s Not That Complicated.”  It will at the very least equip you with great useful advise to give your girlfriends who are single and ready to mingle.  And by all means check out Anewmode.com for fashion, dating, and relationship tips that will change your life!