We all walk around stuck in our own heads with an idea of how things should be and how people should behave. When it comes to relationships, we all have our personal check list of requirements. We all generally, or usually, want the same things… Our standards are set and we have a very good idea of who we are willing to invest in, BUT, how many of us meet our very own standards?
My cousin hit me with a haymaker of thought provocation as I scrambled to honestly answer this simple question:
Would you be in a serious relationship with yourself?
It didn’t take long for the epiphany that I have severe relationship myopia. After clarifying my specific needs and wants in a relationship and comparing what it is that I am willing to give, it was painfully clear that I was in great deficit in comparison. When it came to my list of expectations, it was much like a laundry list; where as, what I am willing to bring to the table could fit on a Post-It.
So, what is wrong with this picture? Plenty. Everyone wants their suitor to be ____, ______, ________ & ______. However, no one wants to be ____, ______, ________ & ______. This begs the question: how does one expect to obtain and maintain a healthy and successful relationship with such acute myopia?
Be the change you want to see in your relationship.
At this juncture, it is imperative to do a little introspection and do an idiot check on myself. Next to each line item of expectation, I note whether I do or am capable of meeting that expectation myself. It’s quite an interesting self assessment and I am learning a lot about what I need to work on as an individual to become better and stronger in all my relationships. This process may not be fun or pretty, but it proves to be valuable.
Even if you are currently in a relationship, if things are going a bit left and you’re not getting on as much, perhaps doing a quick Idiot Checklist is not a bad idea. You may learn a thing or two.